The Elevator Effect: How to Help Early-Career Employees Build Relationships at Work

Step into a crowded elevator and watch what happens. Everyone goes quiet. Eyes drop to phones or lock onto the floor numbers. Nobody speaks until the doors open.

Primatologists have a name for this: the elevator effect. When primates, humans included, are put in a space they can't easily leave, they tend to go still and avoid eye contact. Researchers believe it's an old instinct for keeping the peace with strangers when there's nowhere to go.

It makes sense in an elevator. The trouble is that many early-career employees now bring that same instinct to the whole workplace: the coffee line, the five minutes before a meeting starts, the walk to the parking lot. Those in-between moments are exactly where working relationships used to begin.

Why connection feels harder for new professionals

Previous generations learned how to build relationships at work almost by accident. They picked it up in hallways and lunchrooms, by watching a manager chat with a client, or by being pulled into a conversation on the way out of a meeting. Nobody taught it. It just happened.

Many of today's early-career employees started their careers on a screen. Their first meetings happened in video tiles, their first questions went into chat, and the casual moments that teach professional relationships were few and far between. Now they're in the office, and nobody ever showed them the unwritten rules.

The result is often misread. A new hire who doesn't chat with a senior leader in the elevator can look disengaged or lacking initiative. More often, they're unsure how to start, worried about bothering someone, or simply unaware that the moment was an opportunity at all.

The good news: nobody is born knowing how to do this. Like any skill, it gets easier with practice.

Why it matters more than it looks

The Harvard Study of Adult Development has followed people's lives since 1938. One of its clearest findings is that the quality of our relationships shapes our health and happiness more than money, fame, or career success.

At work, the same principle plays out in a smaller way every day. The people early-career employees know are the people they ask for help, learn from, and get recommended by. Those relationships shape who gets stretch assignments, who hears about opportunities first, and who feels like they belong enough to stay.

I know this from experience. When I moved to Vancouver, I didn't know anyone. I started making small talk with people at the bus stop on my way to work. One day, a stranger invited me to a BBQ. I went. Twenty years later, those people are my closest friends, and through them I've met more than 30 others. All of it started with one conversation in an in-between moment, and one yes.

Flipping the elevator effect

At KindCo, we use the elevator as a reminder of what's possible, not what's normal. Our version of the Elevator Effect is the idea that the in-between moments of everyday life, like elevators, bus stops, and cafeteria lines, are where one small conversation can change everything.

This isn't about perfecting your elevator pitch. It's about getting to know the people you share the elevator with.

We teach it in four simple stages:

Notice. Spot the moment before it passes. Most missed connections don't happen because we said the wrong thing; they happen because we never noticed the moment at all. Relationship researcher John Gottman calls the small openings people offer "bids for connection": a passing comment, a question, a sigh in the coffee line. Each one is a chance to turn toward someone.

Open. Lead with warmth, then ask something real. Questions that invite an actual answer, like "How did you end up in this role?", go much further than "Busy day?"

Deepen. Follow a branch. Every answer contains a detail worth pulling on. "You mentioned you just got back from Tofino. What took you there?" Stay curious and use it as a chance to learn more about them. Then share a little of yourself, so they have something to follow too.

Close. End well and leave the door open. "I'll let you get back to it. I really enjoyed hearing about your project." makes the next conversation easier. And when a colleague invites you to join the group, grab lunch, or come along to a team event, say yes when it feels right.

Three things managers can do this week

You don't need a training budget to start. These small moves make a real difference for the early-career people on your team.

1. Make the first move. Junior employees often assume senior people are too busy to talk. You can remove that barrier in seconds. Ask a new team member what they're working on that they're enjoying, then follow up on something they said.

2. Create in-between moments on purpose. Hybrid schedules have removed many of the casual moments that used to happen naturally. Arrive at video calls two minutes early and chat. Walk to the next meeting with someone new. Invite a junior team member to grab a coffee before a big presentation.

3. Introduce them to one person. One warm introduction can do more than a month of trying alone. Ask yourself who in the organization your newest hire should know, and connect them this week with a line about why.

Small moments, open doors

The instinct to stay quiet in the elevator is old and strong. But the people who build the strongest careers, and the strongest teams, are often the ones who learn to notice the moment and say hello anyway.

The good news is that it doesn't take a personality change. It takes a simple framework, a little practice, and someone showing the way.

Download the free Elevator Effect Conversation Guide.

A one-page guide ready to share with your team with conversation starters, branch prompts, and closing lines for every stage.

Bring Connecting with Confidence to your team. Our three-hour, practice-based workshop helps early-career employees build relationships with colleagues at every level, including senior leaders.